Language trip to Japan.

it's almost settled that I'm going to Japan next year. I just need to get a job, and then I can order a trip with the STS language trip(something). It's pretty expensive, so I need to collect as much money as I can get. I'll be gone for 3 weeks next summer. 3 weeks of my dream. I can't wait to get lot's of jobs and money!

Wrong is right.

Right now I'm about to give up. Give up everything. Nothing seems to work for me, and I'd actually wish that I was brought to the mashouse instead of beeing here with my evil mom and dad. Specially mom. She's so unfair that I always want to hurt her in some way. When she refuses me the things I whish for the most, when she thinks she protects me, Iæm actually getting really hurt, and I do things I shouldn't to myselv, and I think thoughts, making plans on how to escape. Whats the point of living when you can't do what you love? What's the point of living when you can't be the person you want to be? What IS really the point of doing anything at all? I don't understand human beeings at all. All they live for are others.. but why can't we live alone? Is that the reason why I don't care for my life.. because I'm lonly? Or because I'm beeing apathetic.. That I simpely doesn't care for anyone else then myself.. The world is so unfair. I shouldn't depend on other people..I have to make up for my own living, but it's inmpossible. I need my evil mom and my stupid obsessed by the devil stepdad to live.. I can't live at the street because I don't have any talent at all.. Maybe I could draw and sell, but I doubt people would buy it. IF i left, my mom and my dad wouldn't have accepted it either.. They would come looking for me I think, like a prisoner. But hey, at least I have someone that looks after me.. I guess people wpuld think that way, I'm not sure why I don't. I just think they take away my freedom. it's better to die for something you believe in, than live as a prisoner..

At least I could die as a free woman..
My head is all over the place, I don't know what I'm saying..
I'm perfectly normal they say, there's nothing wrong with me. This is just the way 15 years old are. Even though I'm 16 now.. I don't feel that I have the aouthority to say anything. My parents say that I'm only 16, but I don't even think I will laugh at this when I read it later, because I don't feel like 16, I feel like a 1000 year
s old stone. Grey and it hurts to touch it. It's not soft and round..

I'm afraid of my mom more than anyone else in the world.
Watashi wa kowaii desu.
Afraid to live. To live right, but at my point of wiew wrong is right

My diary of the future

I want to make a diary about my life.
I'm 16 and after summer I'm attending to a private boarding school. A lot of young people like myself, are very insicure about what they are going to do with their life. I may have wasted a lot of lessons at school, and missed a lot of the learning prosess, but I want to prove to myself that I can do it - that I can counquer the world too - that I'm not some hopeless student without a goal and meaning with life.
Well.. thats how I want to see the future. Now I'm just a helpless child, who doesn't do enough to make the dreams come true. Dreams can't just come to you - you have to work for it. I know that, but it seems so faraway.

I'm not talking about beeing the next Miley C. or something, but to live the futere I want to. The future I dream of. Ofcourse I need to decide what I want to do first..but for now, I just go with the flow, and we'll see what happens.

I'm sure it will be a pretty boring diary though. My english isn't the best I warn you!
But hey, the one dream I'll deffently stribe to make true is my love for Japan. I will learn the language, and I will study there, so wish me the best!